The aim is always freedom and liberation for both sides. The aim is always close and loving relationship as humans, to share and build the planet.
Rational/loving conflict resolution. I am not fighting with you. Neither am I going to submit to your patterns - I will correct you and let you know where I stand.
Then, most importantly I will act on my new boundary with no expectation from you.
Since I am not good at responding rationally in the moment, this means I will probably get back to you with a response and strategy once I work it out.
"Remember when you said X? I have had a chance to think about it and this is my position." Then walk away, and act.
Wish me luck with this one! My normal pattern is : 1) blow a gasket off the top 2) apologize 3) submit to rubbish useless pattern of the other. 4) do what i want anyway for my own survival 5) get blamed for everything as the thing ex/implodes 6) WAR - Cold or full out.
And one more good and loving relationship is torched.
Saying I will get back to you feels so scary because i feel like I will lose you if I dont agree or respond right away. The situation feels very black and white - I can't envisage a middle point, and I can't envisage a win-win that is not a stifling and unacceptable compromise. Worst of all I don't believe I have the strength to exercise choice to implement what I want - which is close and loving relationship.
1) recognise conflict
2) say I will get back to you with a response
3) work out strategy that suits my needs
4) let the person know what I believe and am prepared to do
5) implement strategy
6) Walk away and maintain position despite the reaction of the other.
Rational/loving conflict resolution. I am not fighting with you. Neither am I going to submit to your patterns - I will correct you and let you know where I stand.
Then, most importantly I will act on my new boundary with no expectation from you.
Since I am not good at responding rationally in the moment, this means I will probably get back to you with a response and strategy once I work it out.
"Remember when you said X? I have had a chance to think about it and this is my position." Then walk away, and act.
Wish me luck with this one! My normal pattern is : 1) blow a gasket off the top 2) apologize 3) submit to rubbish useless pattern of the other. 4) do what i want anyway for my own survival 5) get blamed for everything as the thing ex/implodes 6) WAR - Cold or full out.
And one more good and loving relationship is torched.
Saying I will get back to you feels so scary because i feel like I will lose you if I dont agree or respond right away. The situation feels very black and white - I can't envisage a middle point, and I can't envisage a win-win that is not a stifling and unacceptable compromise. Worst of all I don't believe I have the strength to exercise choice to implement what I want - which is close and loving relationship.
1) recognise conflict
2) say I will get back to you with a response
3) work out strategy that suits my needs
4) let the person know what I believe and am prepared to do
5) implement strategy
6) Walk away and maintain position despite the reaction of the other.
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